'Twas a dark and stormy night as we drove into our apartment complex, stopping briefly at the mailbox to find out which billing service will get this month's "Most Annoying" award (looks like Comcast has a substantial lead on Clark Public Utilities). Minute twisters tossed leaves, cigarette butts, and other miscellaneous rubbish in random swirling dances through the path of our not-so-fuel-efficient sedan's headlights. One certain piece caught my eye, and as we pulled forward I noticed that it's pattern didn't change. On closer inspection we learned that the performer was a small field mouse, who seemed oblivious to the fact that a 3,000-pound automobile had driven within two feet of him. Twice.
What was my reaction? That of any red-blooded American male - I wanted to see if I could run it over on the first try. Much to my disappointment, the feral cry of a wild female human... er, the objections of my wife... quickly stifled that barbaric urge. So I tried logic: "something must be wrong, look - he's not running away. Have you ever seen a mouse just run around like that?", all to no avail. I was answered, in the end, that I could "...do whatever you want, but if you kill that thing you'd better not tell me about it."
What a dilemma. Either follow her pleading and leave this obviously disturbed mammal to be devoured by wild street cats - the same ones who roamed our apartment complex urinating on doormats as a form of free speech - or lose hard-earned brownie points by ignoring my wife's objection and killing an innocent and defenseless creature (who, as one co-worker pointed out the next day, could have been "hopped up on rat poison,") and follow my drive to do what another co-worker described as "...God's work...stamping out another piece of vermin." I pulled the car into our parking spot, got out and carried our son up to our apartment door. After seeing them inside, I ran back down the stairs to the still running Nissan, and made myself comfortable behind the wheel. "Well, what do you think?" I asked aloud. Scarcely a second passed when the answer "I bet you can smash him on the first pass, even doing 20." came. With no opposing votes from the house, the binding resolution passed to deafening applause. I turned off the radio - nothing worse than applause to break one's concentration. Looking back today, I still think I did him a favor. I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
6 comments:
l
Dang it. I try to post 'First Post!' , and it posts 'l' That's really stupid. Anyway. This looks like fun Nate. Keep me enlightned! By the Way, This is really cool ==> Ask A Ninja
Oh no you didn't! I told you that poor little baby was just stoned or something and needed to just let be..... Love, Hoops
C'mon Hoops! Seriously, I just couldn't leave be, nor did I feel comfortable knowing that any minute the rogue animals around our apartments would make short order of him. I stand by my decision.
Nathan, while slightly sad and maybe a little disturbing I also stand by your decision. That is a difficult situation with many moral judgments to be made on a very personal level but yes, putting the poor stoned creature out of its misery was a wise choice.
YoYo,
Although I sit here shaking my head at the loss of life of the poor little mouse who was only in the wrong place at the wrong time -after partaking a tad too much "mousenip" - I will bow to your judgement as I know it is revered so highly among your PDX peers.... Love, Hoops
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