I often find myself getting pulled into the spiraling vortex of self-deprecating envy toward others. It is always so easy to think someone else is far above and beyond where I find myself! So, while looking at pictures of a truly amazing birthday party some acquaintances of ours threw for their son, and looking at the immaculate condition of their home, and the modern decor, and on and on, I started feeling bad for myself. (This was just the most recent instance, it happens all the time) I asked myself, "Self, why don't you do ________ like they do? Why can't you organize yourself as well, be as 'fun' as they are?" and so on, feeling like a general lame-o failure. It is common knowledge, after all, that our family would be placed on the scale of entertaining somewhere between having a skin graft and getting a prostate exam. We'll never be the life of any party. Well, perhaps a dullard party.
After these thoughts roiled around inside the hollow space between my ears for a while, I thought back on my own childhood and family. I never had big parties for my birthday. We didn't take exciting, extravagant vacations to exotic locations, unless you consider being sucked under a floodgate in the high Uintah mountains exciting. We always have been simple folk who care about each other deeply and value whatever time we spend together no matter the time or place. Is that necessarily a bad thing?
At this point in my life, I really don't expect being coddled anywhere, especially not at work. I'm not a flight-mileage laden vacation-goer, I don't ask for time off when I know it would be hard on my coworkers, I don't complain (much) if I have to work some holidays. That doesn't matter when I'm simply grateful to have a job that can put a roof over my family and food on our table. When I get home from work, even if the kids have destroyed any semblance of order and cleanliness in the house, I am deeply and truly happy! What I feel could be one of the best lessons I can teach my children, something that will serve them abundantly throughout their life -- to value what you have and learn to be happy with it without entertaining even an ounce of bitterness about what you don't have. The love and joy we had in a simple yet comfortable home, with furniture that didn't match and a scorch mark in the dining room carpet from a freak firework incident, is something I will NEVER forget. To this day, I love stepping through the front door of the house where I was raised, the house where I knew I was loved even through those painful teenage "I hate you!" years, even though I didn't get my own car when I turned 16, even though we never have taken a cruise to Mexico together, and even though we drank reconstituted powdered milk to save money.
Sure, I could be more fun. We could throw that amazing party that our child(ren) will most likely forget by the time they turn 14 and start complaining about how they think we hate them, and they never get anything they want. Perhaps there are small ways that I will change along those lines, but one thing will always remain - I absolutely love my family no matter what! I have faith and hope beyond hope that this is one value they will learn, make their own, and cherish throughout their lives.
